When summer comes
When summer comes, I remember.
All the things I love about summer.
When summer comes, I surrender.
To all the moments that make me remember.
When summer comes, I savor.
All the things I love about summer.
There’s places my heart flies off to every time the wind blows. The lake wakes me from the mundane, beckoning for me to exit the grey and fall into the water blue.
And for a split second, I’m not me at this age or stage. I’m me from back then. A child in awe of summer.
When summer comes, I find me.
Babysitter’s Club: landing the summer nanny gig
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Searching for a job that allows you to work from the middle-end of May until the middle-end of August can feel like an added burden when that Psych paper and upcoming final is hanging over your head.
If you’re undecided on a major or aren’t quite ready for that internship, your criteria might consist of a job that pays “big bucks,” lets you tan, and doesn’t require that you work 7 days a week.
But you’re smart enough to know that you’ll have to create a resume some day and want something that will show potential employees that you’re not just addicted to exposing yourself to harmful UV rays.
Ever thought of nannying? Throw everything you think you know about nanny jobs out the window. It is not like the movies.
Not as horrible or glorious.
It offers you an opportunity to make a difference in a kid’s life, help a family survive a hectic summer, multi-task, and show that you’re responsible with toddlers, mini-vans, and various household pets.
Plus, if you’re at all considering a field in psychology, child development, nursing, education, family studies, social work, or any other family-kid related field, it won’t hurt to see what today’s real-life families look like.
So, you know you want to nanny (or you’re still not sure). Here are questions you must ask yourself before donning your Mary Poppins get-up.
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- What kind of nanny job do I want?
- Every day, all day? M-W-F? T-Th? Mornings? Afternoons? Evenings included?
- Where will I be living this summer and do I have my own transportation?
- How many weeks can I nanny? When do I have to be back to school/move-in to the dorms, etc?
- Are there any summer events (vacations, weddings, etc.) that I need to take into consideration?
- What age kids would I prefer to watch?
Once you’ve answered those questions, the how to find the job comes into play.
Again, you’ll have to ask yourself some questions.
- Who do I know that has kids?
- Do any of my professors, academic counselor’s, or coaches have kids, friends w/kids, or other contacts?
- What online job postings are available on my school’s website?
- Does the Career Center at my school have any local connections?
- What church groups, community groups, family, or friends could refer me?
- Are any of my classmates, roommates, or teammates already nannying and could they “hook me up”?
For some, answers to those questions are all they need.
But if you don’t have some of those connections or all of your friends are majoring in business/marketing and you’re the only one leaning toward education, you may feel a little out of place and desperate.
Don’t worry. There are plenty of online options. Besides Craigslist (I’m not endorsing Craigslist as a nanny job resource).
My former college friends registered with various nanny sites and had good experiences (i.e. non-freaky families and kids). From what I can tell, it’s like online dating. Nannies seeking families. Families seeking nannies.
Some of the sites my friends used:
Nannies from the Heartland (Minneapolis/St.Paul)
Other nanny sites:
Monster and other online job sites also have some nanny postings.
Of course, your local paper or city’s website are also great resources.
Things that will happen (or could potentially happen) as you’re searching:
- Freak out situation 1: Someone tells you about a nanny job. You practically yell, “YESSSS, I’ll take it!” And then your friend tells you the family is “super weird! And the grandma lives with them in the basement, so you have to help take care of her, too. But I gave the mom your number, she was desperate.”
- Solution 1: DON’T PANIC! These kinds of things pop up all the time. Calmly tell your friend that it probably won’t be a good fit, but you’ll wait for the mom’s phone call. Don’t commit to calling the mom or pursuing it. If your GUT feeling says, “Stay away,” listen!
- Freak out situation 2: A professor would like you to babysit two days a week. That’s all. Maybe a weeknight for a date-night with her husband. You love this professor, and though you know she can’t dock your grades if you refuse to be employed by her, you don’t want to burn bridges.
- Solution 2: Let your prof know that you would LOVE to watch her kids. “They’re so cute!” But gently tell her that you are looking for something full-time. Ask if she has neighbors or friends who would maybe need a nanny the other days of the week that she doesn’t need you. Don’t shoot her down! Say, “I need to find something full-time, so if I can find another family to watch on M-W-F, I could make that work. When do you need to know my availability?” This shows her that you are considerate of her needs, but still must find a full-time job.
- Freak out situation 3: You talk to a family via e-mail and phone (they found you via a friend!) and they sound awesome! You agree to meet at their house for an interview. You find the house, no problem and pull into the driveway. Everything looks normal on the outside. The youngest kid answers the door and screams in your face. Another kid runs up to open the door and tells you that they wish their old babysitter could still watch them, “She was so much nicer than you.” The mom comes into the entryway with another kid in tow and shakes your hand. Then she starts in on what you’re going to be doing, the kids’ soccer schedule, and how to work their oven. During the interview the kids constantly interrupt and yell. One kid hits his brother and gives him a bloody nose. The oldest kid is eating junk food and listening to their iPod so loud you can hear it. The dog is barking at the neighbor’s cat in the backyard and you’re pretty sure you just put your foot in a puddle of Kool-Aid.
- Solution 3: OK, this might be a panic situation. But remember, all houses with young kids are crazy! Because kids are crazy. Yet, this house seems like there might be some more red flags. Go through with the interview and hear the mom out. Listen for the silver lining. Ask clarifying questions – if she’s not giving you straight answers, just follow along as best you can. Whatever you do, don’t accept the job on the spot. Tell her you’re so glad she’s considering you. Ask when she needs an answer. Say goodbye to the kids and thank the mom.
Many times our first impressions are accurate. Many times, they are not.
Tried and true rules when searching/interviewing for nanny jobs:
- Always ask questions
- Listen to all the answers
- Tell them any relevant job experience – coaching, leading youth groups, volunteering at your school’s Child Development Center, babysitting in high school, tutoring neighbor kids, etc.
- Never commit on the spot – EVEN if you are 100% sure this family is perfect.
- Always find out when the family needs a yes/no answer by. Find out the best method of contacting them.
- Make sure the family knows any of your scheduling issues – “I have a friend’s wedding in California that weekend and I’m the Maid of Honor, so I’d need to leave on July 23,” or “I have softball and our regular season ends May 20, but if we make the playoffs, it will go later. I won’t know until we win or lose! Is that ok?”
- Be clear on expectations – are you just watching the kids or teaching them Phonics all summer? Do you have to drive the kids? Do you make dinner? What household tasks are involved?
Remember, nannying is about the kids and families. NOT about tanning, texting your friends, reading the mom’s Vogue and Glamour, uploading cute videos of the kids to You Tube (I DON’T recommend this at all), flirting with the cute lifeguard at the local Y, or hanging out with your other friends who nanny in the same neighborhood.
It’s not the Babysitter’s Club!
Good luck with that nanny job! Check back for more nanny tips!
*a note on pay: if you find a nanny family from your local Y board or from your teammate’s sister’s neighbor, chances are they will pay you in cash/personal check. Some may direct deposit into your acct (ask if you’d prefer this). If you use a nanny site, the set up is different. Usually the agency pays you – the family pays the agency and the agency pays you a portion of what the family pays you. Usually it’s not as much as if the family just paid you directly. While it varies from state to state, region to region, and neighborhood to neighborhood, most full-time legitimate summer nanny gigs pay a minimum of $8.50/hour. If a family with four kids offers $5 per hour, you’re getting ripped off.
April. My month of a lifetime of memories
My little cousins crashed the neighbor’s Easter egg hunt. I tagged along. Played soccer with the neighbor kids and giggled at my little cousins. I smelled like Northern Minnesota. Obviously, I enjoyed it.
I spent the other parts of my Easter weekend with family. Sitting and talking. Laughing and remembering. Hearing stories I’ve never heard. Telling stories I love to tell. Watching and talking hockey. Shopping in a local shop I love.
I visited my Grandma in the care center on Friday. Just for a little bit while she ate her unappetizing carrots and meatballs with questionable colors and items stuffed into them. Unfortunately, a flu virus broke out in the care center and millions and billions of tiny germs kept us from visiting again – especially my mom who cannot subject her immune system to influenza since cancer and chemo completely wiped her cells cleaner than a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My weekend was a bit of surprise to me. See, I’m not a big fan of the month of April. I see it as a month to endure. Yes, there is college hockey (ending) and NHL Playoff hockey (beginning), but that hardly helps in my case.
April 1992. That was a long time ago. 20 years to be exact. But I remember the month. I was in Kindergarten. And had spent most of my days out of school. Up North. Because of cancer and chemo. My Grandpa’s (maternal). He had battled it for a long time. Suffered through tough rounds of chemo. Lost lots of weight and hair. But never lost his smile. I remember seeing that smile many times. And for whatever reason, maybe because I needed those memories to carry with me for a lifetime, I remember. I remember a lot of things from my year as a Kindergartener. None of them related to school.
The day my grandpa died was a grey, cold April day. A day that has come and gone for 20 years. A day that is marked on my calendar. This week.
I remember being confused. Trying to figure out all the conversations buzzing around me. Watching the cues from my cousins. Seeing people crying. I stood by the front door and watched two of my cousins make their way into the house. I turned around to see relatives consoling one another. It had been a long haul. Those months of cancer and chemo. There had been time to plan for the inevitable. But the inevitable was still not easy to bear.
The days between my grandpa’s passing and his funeral don’t register in my memory. I’m not sure if I was whisked back to my Kindergarten classroom to try and catch up on my ABC’s and 123′s or if I stayed Up North with cousins and family. We were spread out at the time, but not nearly as scattered as we are today. So, in a way, that was a good thing. We were all there. Together.
During the funeral, I remember sitting next to my mom and Cousin S (Cousin B’s older sister). When the casket was taken out of the church, I remember watching everyone cry. And I wanted to cry. So, I faked it. Somewhere in my mind, I told myself that I needed to look sad and act the part. Everyone was sad. And I needed to be, too.
The thing is, in the 20 years since that day, I have cried real tears. For 20 years, I was grandfatherless on my mom’s side of the family. Too young to remember memories from before the years of cancer and chemo. I’m fairly certain I’ve experienced the green monster of jealousy over the fact that I don’t remember much prior to my Kindergarten days in the hospital with my grandpa.
But even though I can’t recall specific moments and events before 1991/1992, I do know that my grandpa loved me. And my grandma carried that love on for the next 15 years for him. For all of us.
When she passed away in August of 2007, I was much further along in life. About to enter my senior year of college. My days with grandma had been many. My memories of birthdays and Christmases were plentiful. Yet, that still did not prepare me for the void I’d feel when she was gone. Since that day, every time I think of Up North, I think of her. I can’t help it. For 15 years after my grandpa died, I knew that there was still someone in that house who loved me. Someone who was there waiting for me. And when she died and the house was sold to someone else who doesn’t love me, it was a loss I didn’t know I’d miss.
My grandma would be 88 years old today. We’d probably have celebrated her birthday this past weekend. Cards and candles. Gifts and gift cards. Phone calls and greetings. She’d have sat in her chair. I would have opened up her gifts; helping her arthritic fingers tear the paper open to unveil presents of soft pink pajamas and sweaters from Nordstrom. And I can hear her telling us, “How nice. Oh, that’s lovely. But this is too much.”
It always was too much for her. But for us, it was never enough. To convey our love and appreciation for her. The head of the family for 15 years.
And my maternal grandma wasn’t alone in the April celebrations. My remaining grandparent – my paternal grandmother – is celebrating her 94th birthday tomorrow. Sick with the flu. Stuck in a nursing home.
Back when my grandpa was around, 7 years ago, we would have celebrated Easter and birthday at their house. Baked her a cake. She would have opened her gifts in the living room. Family gathered around. My grandpa would have some gift for her – a card and something special. Again, it would have been “too much.” Gifts from out West and East and phone calls from Chicago and Boston would have rang throughout the house. I can hear her on the phone, telling my cousins what she was doing. Laughing her little laugh.
I saw glimpses of her smile in the care center. Listened for a sign of her laugh. Wanted so badly to hear her tell a story. Use a full sentence. She didn’t. But I know she would. If she could.
She’s still here. Head of the family for 7 years. Her time after my grandpa has been different than we expected or hoped. But it has been time.
7 years. 5 years. 20 years. And now.
Years and moments I will always remember. Especially this month. Always on these days.
Crashing Easter Egg hunts and playing soccer outside. Those are new April memories. There may not be birthdays and Grandparents, but we are still here. Still a family. Minus our grandparents.
And though they left us with April – a month of nostalgic memories and sad tears – they left us with each other so that when these Aprils roll around year after year, we’d have each other. To make new memories with. Not to replace the old April memories, but to make them less painful.
Who would I be now?
We all do it. Talk about it. Think about it. Remember it.
Those middle school and high school days we lived and breathed.
Those days we dreaded. Those years we love-hated.
Predominately good or bad, middle school and high school were times in our lives that we survived or thrived.
Some people peaked during their adolescents.
They were the people who had it all together. The ones who were good looking with brains to boot.
Some people were practically invisible during their adolescents.
They were the people who faded into backgrounds. The ones who were shy and smart to boot.
Then there were middle of the road-ers. Just like the middle class, these people were there. They had friends and moments of popularity. They were friends with everyone; the good looking and shy.
Some kids we knew were going on to bigger and better things. While some kids we knew were going on to a life of low-expectations and limited self-esteem.
Well, here we are. Out of those dreaded or delightful years. For those who peaked, you miss those times; the popularity. For those who survived, you kissed those times goodbye; the loneliness and loser-ness. For those who rode the center line, you liked those times; the joys and jerks.
Whatever lens you wear when you think back on your teenage dreams, we all know that who we are now is not who we were then.
And I wonder, who would I be now?
If I was in ninth grade, what would I be like? If the me I am now was thrown back into the world of gossiping and giggling, boys and braces, how would I act? Would my experiences (8 years since high school graduation) make me a different middle schooler or high schooler?
I’d like to think it would.
As a middle schooler and high schooler, I was more insecure and more confident than I am now. Contradictory, yes, but true. Maybe it wasn’t confidence. Maybe it was my naive developing brain that made me feel invincible; capable of anything life threw my way. Maybe that’s why I could do those teenage things I shake my head at today.
Yelling things out loud in public for the whole mall to hear. Calling across a room of crowded teens to a cute boy. Driving like a maniac to impress friends.
If the me I am now, full of experiences and expectations, were to step into the shoes of a high schooler today – would I make it? Could I hack it? Is today’s world that much harder than the world I learned to maneuver pre- and post-9/11? Would I use what I know now to make things better or would I fall into the trappings of peer-pressure and clique-policitcs?
Would I re-invent myself? Be more daring? Choose a different group of friends? Try out for different things? Work harder and worry less? Care more or be more careless? Make the same mistakes or new ones? Would I choose the college I chose?
Who would I be now?
This isn’t a Disney movie. I’m not Matthew Perry disguised as Zac Efron. I’m not Jamie Lee Curtis playing her (thankfully not real life) daughter, Lindsey Lohan.
I’m just living a real life. I’m just me. And I’m me because of who I was then.
Who would I be now?
I’d be me.
____________________________________________
I ask. You answer.
- Who would you be now?
- Have you ever wondered what it would be like to go back?
- Do you think we can still relate to teenagers or do you think the world has changed to a point where we’re now clueless?
- What would you do differently if you were to go back?
You can also find my thoughts on hockey (covering Minnesota WILD) over at The Hockey Writers (thehockeywriters.com).
