Some days it feels as though I’m catching on. That I’m understanding this life I’m living.
Most days it is as though I’m being thrown into a tight turn. Like I’m out of the wake in an out of control inner tube behind a 200 hp boat motor going 80 mph.
That may be a bit dramatic.
I tend to be that way.
While I would like to think that I’m changing, growing into my skin, I still find myself clumsy and awkward; unsure of where to stand. Unable to pinpoint where I stand in this life I’m living.
As per usual, I over analyze my life. Every square inch of it. Mulling over my thoughts – past and present. Wondering if I’m living the way He wants me to be living.
And just when I think I’m going to lose my grip on life, I remember that it’s not my job to worry.
President of Worry Warts for Women, I definitely struggle with the whole “do not worry about tomorrow” verse. I can read. I understand the verse. I know homiletics.
“Not,” the opposite of “Do.” That’s the toughie for me.
I’m a Jedi Master when it comes to worrying; fretting over everything. The opposite of doing the worrying is where I get tripped up.
But I’m learning that trusting and depending comes with every stage of life. I may ‘master’ it in one area and then fail in another.
That’s the way it is. Life. A cycle of worrying and letting go, trusting and obeying. I’ll never truly conquer the whole not worrying thing. Maybe that means I’m not trusting enough, but I think, in my opinion, that it’s a good thing. I need to be reminded of my humanity; my need for dependence and my inability to achieve perfection.
Instead of beating myself up over reading and re-reading the “do not worry about tomorrow” verse, I’m embracing the learning curve and trusting that where I’m at is where He wants me to be.
It’s been a while since I asked an “I ask. You answer.” So I’m asking now, “What’s your learning curve?”