Adulting as told by Kevin McCallister

When you’re an adult, life can be pretty hard. For real, and for dramatic reasons, one is often left feeling whelmed – whether over or under – it doesn’t matter.

Sometimes, I think back on yesteryear. The good old days of childhood. As a child of the 90’s, I vividly recall simplicity and unscheduled play time. The hardest decision was who would hang up the phone first. And then came somewhat more, but less than now, complicated high school days. And college was full of it’s own stressed out to the max relatable Buzzfeed posts.

But then adulthood hits. The after college graduation part that no one tells you about. Thankfully, we have Kevin McCallister to shed light on the horrors of adult life in the modern era.

  1. Instead of reading Cosmo, you get excited about cooking and home decorating magazines.

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Oooh recipes!

2. You are always stopping for groceries because you still can’t make a list the way your mom did.

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3. The number of times you have a “this would happen to me” moment is a daily occurrence.

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4. When you’re stressed out after a long day at work.

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Junk food – check. Comfy clothes – check. TV – check.

5. You are always grateful for food.

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Highly nutritious microwavable meals. 

6. You often feel the need to talk or sing to yourself because you just can’t even.

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7. Your general reaction to difficult situations is to smile and nod.

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8. While you know that your employer is vastly underpaying you, exploiting you, and bribing you with measly free meals, you still accept them and enjoy every bite.

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9. When people ask you what you do outside of work, you tell them:

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10. You read travel books and mark all the pages you want to visit but can’t find the time/money/travel companion that won’t annoy you…

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11. Sometimes you just sit around. Doing nothing.

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12. Twice a month, you have money. Often, it is deposited into your account and then promptly drained by bills.

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13. Leaving work early is a cause for celebration.

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14. You don’t know anything.

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15. You’re a savvy consumer and ask valid questions.

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16. There are days when adulting has you all…

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This is my life? Why is this my life?

17. When someone wrongs you or threatens all things sacred in your life, you fight for your rights.

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18. Every so often, words of wisdom come out of your mouth and you sound smart and mature and stuff.

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19. When you’re actually right about something and can prove all those doubters wrong.

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20. You treat yourself to nice things.

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21. And then remember why you can’t have nice things.

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22. Since you are an adult, and you can’t always bring your friend with you to new places, you try to look nonchalant and totally in control, but end up looking super awkward and clueless about life.

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Is this the correct floor for dermatology? What room is this conference in?

23. That moment you forgot to pay a bill on time and you’re pretty sure the bank will repossess everything you own.

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24. At work, when you have to concentrate because this is your real life job, it’s all about the headphones.

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25. Your general reaction to stupidity.

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26. If someone asks what your career/life plan is, you draw them something like this:

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27. Doing dangerous and daring things scares you, and often results in stiffness and pain the next day.

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28. Chores are horrible. Forget doing dishes as a kid, now you’ve gotta do hard things like check your oil, clean in places you never thought needed cleaning, lift heavy objects, and use large tools.

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29. You are very skeptical of information from people your own age.

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30. Seriously, you don’t trust the information unless your parents or someone their age who has raised grown children confirms the information.

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31. Sometimes you still offer to babysit because there’s guaranteed to be food.

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In the end, no matter how hard or comical the adult life can be, you always need a good hug.

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